Asking a child to apologise when they’ve done wrong can be a tricky thing. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do, otherwise you end up in a stand off.
“Say sorry to Tommy”
“No, I don’t want to”
“Right then, you will not be allowed any friends over to play for 2 weeks” (or any other punishments you can think of on the spot)
“Sorry, Tommy”.
Does this actually teach a child to say sorry and mean it?
It’s more likely that they’ll apologise because they know what you want to hear and because they want to avoid the punishment.
I’ve read different suggestions for tackling these situations and the one I liked best was trying to teach a child empathy.
Encourage your child to think about how the other person in the situation might be feeling, ask them how they would feel if someone did that to them, then ask what might make that person feel better (works really well if the other child is crying). They may respond by hugging or kissing the other person, or say sorry of their own accord. There is no expectation for them to say sorry, it’s a process and in time they’ll learn to say it and mean it.
Expecting a child under 2 to say sorry is a big ask. You may have more success explaining to them why their behaviour was wrong. This may also help break the cycle of the behaviour.
How often do you apologise when you’re in the wrong? Our children look to us to lead by example. It isn’t aways the easiest word to say, however, make a point of apologising to your children when you’re in the wrong. We all make mistakes, it helps a child to know they’re not the only ones who make mistakes and let’s face it, we’re all fallible.
Great post. So true. What is ‘sorry’ but another word to little ones. An empathic child has the foundations to a wonderful life. As for Mummy and Daddy, tis the same! If I do something silly or wrong, I have no problem in stating “silly Mummy” etc. It has taught Pickles, who is just 2, a great understanding of identity already.
Best
Jay Marie